CHANGING THE COLLEGE CONVERSATION

This morning, my daughter, a junior in HS, was sharing with me some colleges she found yesterday that offer both film studies and lacrosse. Two things of which she is interested in pursuing after high school. She came up with some incredible ideas and options, which was exciting and fun to talk about.

She then went from there to talking about “reach” schools, acceptance rates, scores, grades, how is to she know if she’s “good enough" for what school and so on.

This part of the college conversation, the scores, the grades, has enough been “done” and what else should be done, in order to be “good enough” to get into (name college) is one that most kids and their parents find themselves having most often and focusing on when it comes to going to college.

This is NOT the conversation we should be having with our kids. How about instead of exploring and talking about whether or not they are good enough and/or have done enough for a college, we explore and start asking, is the college good enough and do they have enough for them?

Here’s the thing. Every parent wants their child to do well, be happy, be successful, get a good job and to be able navigate life well. EVERY parent wants this. And that’s not such a bad thing. I want this for my kiddos too.

I also really desire for my children to be able to look at, and feel empowered by, the work they’ve done, not the just the results they’ve achieved. Don’t get me wrong. Results are great. Absolutely! Especially when they are well earned and deserved due to their hard work. It is incredibly rewarding and validating for our kids to be able to see when they’ve done something really well.

However, it isn’t the result, or the reward achieved that determines one’s success, but rather the determination and the hard work that was done to get there.

And no one, not even a college, can take that away from ANY of our kids.

Here’s how this conversation looks in my house and with my daughter this morning:

“Rather than make decisions on what schools to apply to based on acceptance rates, your scores/grades and especially the “name” or “prestige” of the school, decide what you want, and are looking for, in a school. The location, the size, does it have what you are interested in, both in and out of school. How important are all these (things/areas/activities/subjects) to you and why?”

“Then throw it out there. Go for it! Trust that the work you’ve done, in and out of school, is worthy and impressive. Not just because of the results that have come from it, which are great indeed, but because of the passion and hard work you’ve put into it and who you’ve become because of it.”

“Besides, let me ask you this. What’s the worst thing that could happen when you apply to a school?”

DD: “I don’t get in”

“And that changes who you are and what you’ve done, how?”

DD:”It doesn’t”

“Exactly! Apply to where you want to apply. It’s not a make it or break it situation for your life. A college’s decision to accept or deny you doesn’t determine your worth or your capability. You’re going get to where you want to go in life, no matter what happens or where you go.”

What are the conversations you are having with your kids and what do you find yourself focusing on?