MOVE FROM YELLING TO CONNECTION WITH CARE

Wish you could stop yelling at your kids, but just can't? Feeling like yelling is the only way to get your kid's attention, to listen to you? Tired of the frustration, and guilt, you feel after you've lost your cool, yet again? Good news. There IS another way to reach your kids and seek resolution, no matter the situation, by spending time in connection rather than in conflict and coercion. And it begins with you.

Everything we do is a choice. This may be hard to hear, however, to effectively stop yelling the first step is to just stop. Even if you're mid yell, mid- frustration, agitation - notice it, see it and choose to STOP. This choice to stop yourself creates the pause necessary to get you, and your brain thinking again. When we are in that space of yelling, frustration, aka trigger, we are hijacked, our brains are NOT thinking clearly. Recognizing our hijacked state is the beginning of turning things around from conflict to connection by way of accessing our brains again.

Now that you can think clearly, you can begin to see things clearly, take a look around and ask yourself what’s going on? What’s happening for you? What’s your agenda and what is the problem you are trying to solve? Ask the same questions about your child? They too have their agenda and problem they are trying to solve. By separating you from your child and the two different experiences happening at this moment, you are more able to problem solve OUTSIDE the emotions rather within all the emotions of the conflict together.

Once you understand what’s happening, effectively moving from conflict to connection requires another choice. Remember, everything we do is a choice. Choose the relationship with your child over being right. Yes, parents, you may be “right” and you want your child to know and learn the lesson at this moment. Release the need to be right, right now, and choose to be in a relationship with your child and their experience at this moment. Doing so allows you to flip the script from being about me, for both of you, to WE and how can we see this through, together. This incredibly powerful choice allows you to explore with your child what is happening for them and why. Engaging and authentically seeing your child’s perspective fills their deep need and desire to be seen, heard, validated, and understood, and THIS is what brings them to a place of being more receptive to YOU. It is in this place of connection that any correction, boundary, teaching, or problem you may be trying to solve can be resolved by way of spending this time in connection with your child rather than spending time in conflict.

Will this get rid of all tantrums? Meltdowns? Disagreements? No, of course not. Your child is only human and a young one at that. However, these will likely become less intense because of the safety your child will feel from you through the pattern of connection you are creating with them when they are in those moments of big emotions.

Will this stop you from ever getting upset, angry, or triggered? No, you are only human too! However, your ability to recognize the onset of these triggers and your own emotions will likely allow you to more quickly choose the route to be in connection with your child over joining them in that initial place of chaos and conflict - leaving you more calm and confident as a parent and connected with your child.

To learn more about how to move from Conflict to Connection using my CARES Pathway™ contact me at [email protected]

To schedule a free 30 min CARES call at https://bookme.name/CCParentCoach/free-30min-consultation

To receive my FREE 5 step CARES Pathway™ moving you from Conflict to Connection with your children, email me at [email protected].