The Balance of Allowing: A Way Through When Parenting Feels Impossible

You know that moment in parenting where you've tried everything, and nothing is working?

Now dinner is burning. One kid is crying. Another is yelling. Someone else is sprinting down the hallway naked.

And you stand there thinking, 'I should know what to do... but I don't.'

That moment, the chaos, the confusion, the helplessness, is where so many moms get stuck. And not just situationally stuck, but emotionally stuck. It becomes a loop:

"I don't know what to do."

"I feel incompetent."

"I should know how to fix this."

"I feel ashamed for not knowing."

"I'm angry that I feel this way."

And then the loop turns physical. The body tightens. The jaw clenches. Rage rises, or tears come.

This is where so many moms live.

Not because they're failing, but because they're stuck inside the storm, trying to think their way out while their nervous system is in overdrive.

What Does It Mean to Allow?

In these moments, I often talk about the power of allowing. But let me be clear:

Allowing is not about giving up.

It's not about letting your kids run the house or surrendering to chaos. 

Allowing is the act of acknowledging what is so that you can begin to move forward.

It's the moment where you say: 

"Okay. This is hard."

"I don't like this."

"But this is where we are right now."

That acknowledgment softens the grip of control, of blame, of guilt.

And it creates space for something else: clarity.

Why Moms Feel So Powerless

So many moms I work with carry an invisible belief that they should always know what to do.

If they feel lost, they must be doing something wrong.

But parenting was never meant to be done in isolation, without support, and under constant pressure to get it "right."

So, when things go sideways and no solution presents itself, it's easy to spiral into thoughts like:

"Why is my kid so difficult?"

"Why doesn't my partner help more?"

"Why can't I keep it together?"

Those thoughts lead to stuck-ness.

And stuck-ness often turns into either what I refer to as:

Red Rage (explosions) or

Blue Breakdown (shutdowns).

But stuck doesn't mean you're failing.

It means your nervous system is waving a red flag, saying:

Help. This is too much.

The Balance of Allowing

Allowing doesn't mean letting everything go.

It means pausing long enough to ask better questions:

"What's my goal right now?"

"What do I need in this moment?"

"How do I want to show up, even if I hate this situation?"

And then looking at your child and asking

"What's happening for them right now"

"What do they need in this moment?"

"What kind of parent do I want to be for them?"

This practice of acceptance doesn't magically fix everything, but it interrupts the spiral.

It re-centers your nervous system.

And it puts you back into a relationship with your child, rather than reacting to them.

But What Do I Do?

I know, I know. You're probably thinking: That sounds great, Claire, but what do I actually do when my kid is melting down and I feel like screaming?

Here are three small, practical steps that can help you get unstuck:

1. Name what's true...out loud. This is the "Call it Out" step in The C.A.R.E.S. Approach to Parenting™

"This is really hard right now."

"I feel overwhelmed."

"I'm feeling really (fill in the blank) and that's okay."

Saying this to yourself or to your child can reduce internal pressure and model emotional honesty.

2. Shift your body first. It only takes a moment.

• Sit down. Put your hand on your heart. Take one long exhale.
• Or put both feet on the floor and press down on a steady surface for 5 seconds.
• Shake your arms (head, body, and legs) and hum simultaneously.

When your body shifts, your mind follows.

3. Focus on connection, not correction. Instead of jumping to discipline or solutions, try a simple statement like:

"I'm right here."

"Do you need a hug?"

"Can I have a hug?"

That presence alone can shift the dynamic.

These steps won't solve every challenge, but they will help you move through the stuckness with less shame, more clarity, and more self-trust.

The Bottom Line

You don't have to love the moment you're in.

You don't have to enjoy it.

But you can learn to stay present inside it, without spiraling. 

That's what creates forward motion.

That's what helps you get unstuck.

That's what allows your child to feel safe enough to regulate, too.

And if you were never taught how to do this?

You're not alone.

That's exactly what I teach inside my coaching.

What’s one moment you’ve felt stuck? And what did you wish you needed then?

I'd love to hear it. Comment below or send me a note. 

P.S. If you're ready for support

I have 2 spots open in my 1x1 Parent Coaching Container right now.

We’ll walk through the chaos, the stuck-ness, and the loops, together.

Email @[email protected] or

Click here to book a free connection call.

You don't have to stay stuck.

And you don't have to do it alone.

xx

🤟🏻

Claire