The Second Reason You May Be Yelling (And It Has Nothing to Do with Your Kids Behavior))

You've probably already heard the reasons mamas yell, the stress, the overwhelm, the depletion. But this one? This one strikes differently. Truthfully, it might be the one that's keeping you most stuck.

Here it is: You feel responsible for every negative emotion your child has.

When they spiral, you spiral. When they're upset, you're upset. When they're unhappy, you take it personally. It's like their bad mood is a report card on your parenting.

And you're not just taking it personally. You're making it mean something. Either you're failing them, or you're doing something wrong, or they're being difficult because nothing you do is working. So you try harder. You push. You do more to fix it, and when more doesn't work, the frustration builds. And it continues to build until it has nowhere to go but out. Loudly.

But here's what I want you to sit with for a second:

Sometimes, they're just not happy at that moment. And that's it. That's the whole thing.

They don't need you to fix it. They don't need you to make the feeling stop. And your job was never to manufacture their happiness on demand.

That's an impossible standard, Mama. No one can do it. And the pressure of trying, the pressure of feeling like you are the cause and you are responsible for the solution to every hard feeling they have, is exhausting.

It’s the exhaustion that gets loud.

The shift I want you to try isn't about doing more. It's about changing the goal entirely.

Instead of asking: How do I make this stop so they're happy again?

Ask: How do I stay connected with them through it?

That's it. That's the whole job in those hard moments. Not to fix, change, or manage it. And certainly not to make the feeling disappear. Rather, just to be a steady presence while they feel it.

And that’s the work many mamas need to do. To learn how to stay without joining the emotions when things are hard. If you were raised to believe negative or big feelings were either bad or not allowed, it can be really challenging to truly hold those feelings for your kiddos.

When you understand this part of you, learn the skills, and make that shift, something happens. The urgency level drops. The spiral slows down. Because you're no longer racing against your emotions or theirs. You're able to be there and sit alongside them.

Your kids don't need a mama who prevents every hard feeling. They need a mama who can show them that hard feelings are normal and survivable. That you can feel something big without falling apart. That someone will stay close even when it gets messy.

You can be that mama. It’s possible, and it’s never too late.

If you struggle with remaining calm while holding your child’s big emotions, and you're wondering what this could look like in your own life, book a complimentary call with me today using the WORK WITH ME link at the top of the page.

You’ve got this, Mama.

xx
Claire

Claire Cetti is a PCI Certified® Parent Coach, Positive Parenting Educator, and Mother Wound Coach who has helped hundreds of parents who are struggling with frustration, anger, and yelling become calmer, more confident, and more connected with their kids for almost 10 years. She is also a stepmom and the mom of four young adult children, and she lives in Santa Barbara with her husband and fur baby, Bella.​